Journal 13 – Scepticism and Hope

I suppose research is tedious yet irresistible in
its call, like whole fish flounder with crusted
crab meat – bony and overwhelming. When will
research discover hope – real hope in the brown
toothy smile of a basketball bellied African living each
day in hope the new American Junior League funded
business will perpetuate and stimulate her fly swarmed
economy and territory out of its great drastic depression.
I've seen the excitement in the eyes of wealthy
bystanders feeling the call to support of a good
cause – unable, well unwilling, to act themselves,
they flood non-profit organizations with their semi-
hard earned money. They¹ can't be bad. Sure we can't
know their expenditure or balance sheet, but to
doubt all they do is just stupid right? Right?
No-one would ever do that. (Ebbers, Madoff, Stanford
others...) Hope is the bread winner of so
many starving Africans that our faculties are
almost unnecessary. HA. With so many foundations
why are we still in such a terrible wretched mess?
Not enough folks like the good Birminghamanians?
I'm being obstinate and ignorant. Of course we're
stimulating their economy. Of course without us
their life would be utter shit – as ours is so
wonderful and fulfilled². Each day the skin stretches
tauter against my brittle jaw bones until it
flaps in the lightest wind like in a G-force machine.
It's the grape of the Rhône valley. Our bonds are
easily broken and re-forged with that bastardization of
hope we wondrous Americans call practicality – or
pragmatism. Realist. That's where wisdom and
good behavior reigns. What did Nietzsche say
about the realists? Nothing good. Pragmatism is a
philosophical ground based on no more certainty
than its own assumptions – that what works is
right; just as reason is not based on anything but
its own assumptions – namely, reason. Lines with
circles arching backwards get me through my faint
struggle with the possibilities of time and accomplishments.


2.28.09

  ¹ The organizations.
  ² I realize there are lots of problems and holes in what I wrote above (and below). Snippets of arguments, like most of the other stuff written in this journal. I just thought in this case I would make it clear I don’t agree with everything I wrote. Remember this is a journal that I try to use as a ‘write whatever pops in your head as quickly as possible’ journal.